I should be doing something constructive right now – writing, homework, portfolio stuff, practicing my drawing, animation – take your pick. But instead, I’m blogging. This is addictive stuff, eh?
So quick updates again:
a) I’m still so NOT over my Episode with the S.F.C.O.G. (Short. Fat. Crude. Old. Geezer) and I would have added a racial identifier (the acronym is un-pronounceable anyway) except that that would border on stereotyping.
b) We had a test today, a print media one, and seriously, I need to work on those barriers I keep carrying around inside of me. I’m always second-guessing myself and trying to hold back or fit-within-the-boundaries. And it doesn’t help much that my tutor’s work is the kind that everything else looks crappy against. Or maybe it does…
I know I have it in me to do something like that; I just can’t seem to get to that person inside. It’s not just a case of experience and practice. That’s part of it, of course, but I think I need to learn that it’s okay to put forward crazy ideas and have people give you odd looks, because that’s just the way it is. Not everyone will like what you do, but as long as it’s sincere and true to your inner self, it will have some worth – even if only in your own eyes 🙂
I need to learn to let go, which then leads to my next issue…
c) I need to take back my life. From the people who don’t even know that they have bits of it in their hands. I’ve been living to please everyone except myself and as stodgy and pi* (Long Live Mallory Towers!) as that sounds, it’s not been so bad. It’s just a lot of pressure, and really, so far that’s never had a negative effect on my life.
I’m not advocating that you go out and start doing the same. But sometimes, doing what pleases others is the same as doing what pleases you and so things flow pretty smoothly even when you’re rushed (and you have to pull all-nighters to finish tasks you should have had the foresight to plan out in advance.)
Of course, it’s not the same when conflicts start rising up. For a time it seemed I had simply exchanged one set of To-Please People for another. Now, I’m beginning to see that I need to make some serious, solid decisions. What do I want to do? And how far am I willing to go to do those things?
If I’m not too keen on something, do I still need to keep at it simply because I don’t want to offend others or because I don’t want them to feel bad? And what if it’s the other way around?
Life is a once-in-an-existence experience. Time to get cracking and shift from the existing-mode to the living one, I think. And also time for me to post this and get to my homework!
* As far as I can remember from the Ye Olde Days when I used to devour Mallory Towers, dreaming of being as ‘cool’ as Darrell Rivers, or drawing as well as Alicia (it was always drawing!) or playing lacrosse, ‘pi’ was a slang word used for being self-righteous.
I’ve googled as far and wide as I could in the time-frame I have and couldn’t find a single reference to it – although I did find out that Wikipedia spelt Mallory wrong in their article on the series (for shame!), but it’s good enough for reference so give it a read.
If you have the books, have read them recently or have a better memory than I do, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong about the ‘pi’.
“The only person you should ever compete with is yourself. You can’t hope for a fairer match.” -Todd Ruthman