Happy B’lated B’day!

Hah! Just goes to show, I don’t only forget b’days of friends and family members – Peppermintprose was officially one year old last week and it passed without me noticing it. Although (as usual) I had kept track through Jan and Feb and made a mental note to have a grand “Budday Post”. So much for that.

So, where am I one year on? What blog-wisdom do I have to pass on? Not much. I haven’t had any threats or controversial discussions, barely any comments (though the ones I did get were nice – thanks y’all!), Really, the one thing I’ve realised, having had two or three blog attempts die out in the past, is that the only kind of blog that succeeds is the one that you set out to do for yourself rather than others. Being a little selfish seems the best way to keep on track. It’s what makes you come back and put up a new post despite the fact that your reader-count in the past month could be on the left side of the number line.

And while you’re at it, blogging can be an excellent way to get stuff off your chest and learn about what’s hidden under all those issues that usually block your inner-voice from being heard. You come online, you type away, you post and suddenly things seem lighter and clearer. It’s like being your own shrink.

We’ve had a long weekend here for Easter and I took advantage of it to catch up on assignments. My exams start on the 16th and I haven’t read up on a single thing, I’ve forgotten how to use 3ds Max and I’m not yet panicking so I guess everything is normal.

I still can’t get over how different the various areas of my life are. I go to college and there everything seems worldly and basic. And then I go the mosque (like we did on Miladun Nabi) and suddenly it’s like being transported into a whole new dimension. The feeling of the place, the atmosphere, the aura – it makes you forget that there is such a thing as The Big Bad World. You feel this combination of peace and confidence that makes you think you can take on the world.

But I know, come Tuesday morning when I walk back into college, there will be a few minutes of disorientation – like when you wake up from a deep slumber – and then everything will be yanked back into this very tangible, earthy dimension. The magic will be lost. Or rather, I will be disconnected from it again.

I’m still wondering how to keep a hold of it. How to find a balance that will allow me to be on one plane and simultaneously live on another. I read in a book today, that you should empty yourself of your self and then only will you be able to find place to fill yourself with God. I guess, I’m pretty much stuffed to overflowing with myself, and draining out my ego isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. One second I’m making a firm resolution to put all these petty affairs that have been distracting me aside forever, and the next I’m thinking about them and have been carried along so far down the paths of my imagination that by the time I’m aware of what’s happened, I’m too shocked to be disappointed.

And it happens over and over again. No wonder the Prophet (s) called it Jihad-e-Akbar. I guess I should be grateful that I was able to catch myself in time, so that now I’m dealing (however unsuccessfully) with the matter rather than succumbing to it. God is Ever Merciful, eh?

So, one year one, what’s changed? I have. A very little. I know myself perhaps a tad bit more. It’s not grand, it’s not satisfying, but it’s a start. I intend to go the full thousand miles, so if you’ve stuck with me for the first step, you’re welcome to tag along for the whole hog. Who knows, if you let go of your shyness and make a comment or drop me a line, we might actually make good travel companions … 🙂

S’laams,

Bint Ali

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