…My blog goes with me. I really did think I’d manage to regularly update while I was away. So much for my thinking. The computer was there, the connection was there (and a fast one at that), but the time seemed to evade me.
I know I’ve lost of the things I should have noted down straightaway, but I think that’s the beauty of life. The challenge of having to preserve certain memories simply in your mind. Sure I could have written them down, but then I wouldn’t feel the need to relive them and keep them fresh within me. I’d keep thinking: “I can always go back and read my diary/blog.”
So unfortunately, if you’re reading this, you’ll miss out on those bits. But don’t stress, there’s plenty more that I want put down in words.
First of all, Idd Mubarak to all you Lovers of Abu Turaab out there! 🙂 Let your lights shine and fill the heavens with the glow of your loyalty and passion for him. The reason for your existence was established today, make sure you enjoy every moment of it and show your gratitude for being so lucky!
Ok, coming back to earth, there’s the overall recap of the holiday to do. As holidays go (and those to places you have visited before) this was an amazing one. I think that fact that we were going back after over half a decade added to the charm of the trip. It meant seeing changed people, and in some cases new ones altogether. With a family that is still propagating healthily (masha’Allah!), there’s always new kids to get to know and kids who have grown up to get re-acquainted with.
I found it extremely fantastic to realise that I’ve actually moved up an entire generation. There was a time not so long ago, when we had an age-set of ‘older’ cousins and I was in the ‘younger’ lot. We were the kids and we looked up to the adults in awe. Now I see my cousins with their spouses and children and I’m in that enviable position of being able to look upwards and see the generation above me and look downwards and see the generation below me. It’s like being on top of a mountain, and unlike the bear in the rhyme, you can actually see two different views on either side.
It’s a feeling as heady as it is humbling.
Once, Life stretched out interminably and thinking of an end was a ridiculous notion to indulge in. Now, there’s a vague shadow beyond and it’s scary to think that not only are we all heading there, I now know and can relate to those who might go ahead on the journey before me. Yet, even as I write this I’m remembering the fact that it’s this kind of thinking that Shaytan uses to make people feel comfortable about being mortal. I might be gone before I get a chance to write my next post. I’ve reached a point in my life where I actually understand that.
Time is an amazing thing. I wish people had asked Imam Ali (a) more and more about the topic. He must have been able to open up the secrets that are so tantalizing hiding themselves from us today.
On the flight there, I had reflected on the fact that two months from that moment, I’d be sitting in a similar plane and flying back and 60 days would have passed. I wondered what new knowledge I’d have then that I didn’t possess and how it would change me.
On the way back, I remembered that thought and was totally freaked out by the fact that this new knowledge – the people I’d met, the new foods I’d tasted, the places I’d seen, the feelings I’d experienced – it had all become a part of me like it was always within my mind. I could compress it all into a nanosecond of recollection. And it blended in so well with all the other things I knew and remembered – it was like there was nothing to differentiate between a 12 year old memory and one I had gathered the week before.
Time has passed and worked its magic yet again. If only we could truly understand this phenomenon or at least grasp a bit of its reality, we might then be more aware of where we’re heading and what we need to take with us on the journey there.
I feel a loss inside of me. Like with every day that passes, I’m losing something. I carry the memory, but I can never carry the real moment with me. In a way that’s sad. But then when I think about those people who haven’t found Islam and don’t have the Promise from Allah (SWT) that He has preserved everything we treasured and sent forth; when I realise that time for me hasn’t passed away, it’s passed on – I feel like the luckiest person alive.
“If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe
with fur.” -Doug Larson, Olympic Gold Medalist (1902-1981)