Yo-Yo Soul

I’ve fallen victim to the oldest trick in the Devil’s toolbox. The yo-yo soul. You know how when Allah (SWT) warns us against our selves in the Qur’an?  Where He tells us so clearly, “Hey, I created you, I KNOW your tendencies” and we still think we can work around them. Yeah. That’s what I mean.

I always say that I’ll stick to one frame of mind and be transparent in my intentions and my feelings, but I always seem to get caught up in the opposite. When things go even slightly funny in my life, I’m rushing off to the prayer mat and reciting du’as with intensity and feeling.

And when the storm passes, my soul becomes lax (even though I know that it’s always the calm before the next spiritual-tornado hits).  I promise I’ll be different from now and although I do manage to keep reminding myself to be constantly grateful and constantly talking to Him, I can feel the relief letting me off the hook, when it shouldn’t.

My hope lies in the knowledge that He knows how fickle I am and He also knows that I’m working towards changing that – I guess I just wish I’d succeed a little faster. I feel so hypocritical sometimes when I come crawling back and begging for help, and I was so self-possessed just a little while before that.

What would I do if God wasn’t so Kind, so Merciful, so Accepting of all my flaws? I think Imam al-Sajjad (a) said it more perfectly than anyone could when he stated in his du’as, “O Allah, deal with me not as I deserve to be dealt with, but as it befits You to deal with me.”

Thank God for Himself.

S’laams
Bint Ali

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4 thoughts on “Yo-Yo Soul

  1. Re: A proud servant!

    a/s

    Oh dear, that is a serious problem!

    I’ll try and see if I can can do anything about it although I suspect that there is no way I can convince the system to believe you are human without the digit-entry 😦

    I hope this won’t put you off from coming back here and commenting in the name of bloggerhood! 😀

    S’laams
    Bint Ali

  2. Re: A proud servant!

    Salam Alaikum,

    You know what is most annoying? The fact that I have to re-type the initial comment almost four times before it actually gets posted. Oh and above that I have to enter the digits three times to ensure that I’m a human! :O

    So incase my comments seem to go round and about in various directions … right & left, then kindly pardon me.

    Wassalam.

  3. Re: A proud servant!

    a/s

    I think most of us have heard the saying of Imam Ali (a) you quoted, but we don’t truly understand or ponder on it.

    At the end of the day, every single word in the Qur’an and du’as/hadith we have from our Prophet (s) and Aimmah (a) hold secret to true success, we just don’t realise it.

    I just pray that those around me and I manage to becomes the kind of servants Allah (SWT) intended for us to be, Insha’Allah,

    S’laams
    Bint Ali

  4. A proud servant!

    Salam Alaikum,

    Pride … that evil serpent that finds it way up the shoulder, swings on the head and ta-da! All of a sudden, you begin to see none but you. This feeling blindfolds our vision, and we begin to step on the first part of shirk. I’ll add further later insha’Allah.

    Imam Ali ibn Al-Hussain (AS) defined we humans so precisely … I find this saying a true treasure. It brings me back to my senses when I’m almost flying in the air; when I begin to think my existence is a grace upon all those
    around me, and not measuring the Mercy and Glory of The All-Mighty. I’ll gift you what I regard my most adored possession. Sister I hope you’ll like as much I do.

    ما لابن ادم و الفخر اوله نطفة و اخره جيفة لأ يرزق نفسه و لأ يدفع حتفه

    What does man take pride in? His beginning is with a clot and his end is a
    stinking corpse. His sustenance is in other’s hand, and he cannot prevent his own death.

    Wassalam.

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