Curved and Spinning

You know that famous cliche that talks about life throwing you curve balls every once in a while? Well, I got one. Work waits and I can’t manage to do a single thing, because suddenly I’m faced with decisions I’m not ready to make.

And yet make them I must, because I can’t hide behind my sense of security forever. It’s not a false one, it’s just that I’ve outgrown it. Well, actually I could get away with not making these decisions forever, but then it would be a choice motivated purely by fear and not by reason.

Reason is good. It allows you to define your life on your own terms. Fear is not. It defines life for you on its terms.

So maybe my need to finally deal with these difficult issues arises from the fact that I know I must face my fears and that if I don’t, then I’ll be missing a huge part of my life simply by letting it pass by.

Who said the best things in life came easy? No one I know of. I think even the averagely-good stuff needs a lot of courage and gut-wrenching to deal with.

Thing is, I really can’t let it hold up the rest of my life, but it won’t let me work either. Fear is an ugly inhibitor. I know forcing myself to face these hurdles is not so much about the task at hand as it is about rebelling against the fear of the task. I don’t if that’s a healthy approach.

But then there are a lot of things I don’t know at this point in time.

Bint Ali


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